Drive It Like You Stole It!

Sometime, at the beginning of the 99 Memorial Day weekend, my 1986 944 turbo was stolen from my mechanic's lot, where it had been placed for routine service and state inspection. This wasn't discovered until Tuesday, when I call the service center asking if my car was ready. An hour later, the owner called, asking if by chance I picked up the car over the weekend? Later that week, a detective called me. My car had been recovered in South Philly. As we all learn in Driver's Ed, sticky race tires, such as the BFG R1's on my car, are pretty unforgiving when at the limit. One minute you're sticking, next minute you're gone. Since the young Hispanic (20 years old) male must have been sick when those lessons were being taught in class, he experienced one of those "up close and personal" moments when taking an I-95 off-ramp at 90 mph.

The "alleged" thief then proceeded up Broad Street, apparently late to meet his drug connection ( a used syringe and a crack pipe were found in the car). However his progress must have been a bit noticeable, since he had sheered off the front of the oil cooler and the oil pan. Also the crumpled fenders were busily peeling the R1 tire rubber down to the steel belts, just like a potato peeler. This attracted the attention of a nearby Philly police officer.

I can visualize it now, a clanking, banging, crunched up Porsche, who's engine is probably making some severe noises due to the loss of the oil pan, traveling up Broad Street at a rapid 5 mph, followed closely by a police officer, who is calling in the license plate of the car, that the "alleged" perp hadn't bothered to remove since stealing the car 4 days ago. Now that was a smart move.

I imagine the guy was competent in removing items from the car, since the stereo (see above) and amplifier is long gone . I guess not removing the original license plate was a mental stretch for him. One sure to rectified when he steals his Next car.

One of the tires, you can see how it's down to the steel belts. This was a brand new R1 tire!

The left rear. The front left looks bad, but it's just a fender. The back, see above and below, is where the big money is. The rear quarter panel is part of the unibody structure of the car. Its welded and requires from 30 to 40 hours of labor to replace. Ouch!

So, quick count: driver's side thoroughly crumpled; numerous scrapes, dings, dents on the right side (looks like another guardrail); front all crumpled (went nose first into something); engine gone, oil cooler ripped off, and front of oil pan (only 2K miles on a fresh total rebuild sigh...); frame twisted (could've happened with the Dirty Harry chase scenes - there was dirt and mud all the way up the side of the engine); trashed interior; ripped out stereo and amp; ... The body shop guy stopped counting at $22,000 of damages, there wasn't any point in continuing. And neither will I ...

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